Learning to grieve

My dad’s death has taught me that there is no plan for dealing with grief.

I’ve been reading about grief a lot these last two weeks. Reading is what I do when I desperately want to understand something to the point where I have a plan for dealing with it. Except my dad’s death has taught me that there is no plan for dealing with grief, you simply muddle through as best you can.

So far this muddling through has involved:

  • Feeling numb.

  • Lots of anger induced swearing.

  • Sleepless nights and having no appetite.

  • Writing dad’s eulogy and hoping he’d approve of it.

  • Crying while sitting in a coffee shop.

  • Catching up on the sleep I missed by napping, a lot.

  • Laughing as people tell me stories about him.

  • Wishing I had more photos of us together (this is what happens when we both hate having our photo taken!)

  • Realising that I will never hear his voice again.

  • Asking my siblings if they are OK, even though I struggle to answer that question when people ask me. Yet, I default to it anyway.

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P.S. I’m someone who appreciates having my typos pointed out to me, so feel free to let me know if you spot any. I can’t change the fact that said typos landed in your inbox, but I can update the online version so others don’t have to suffer them!